Waiting and Waiting

You've heard of the saying, "when one door closes, another one opens", right? If you're a Christian, I'm sure you've heard of the saying, "what [God] opens no one can shut, and what [God] shuts no one can open" from Revelations 3:7. The doors closing and staying closed and doors being open has always been a a struggle for me. Why do people bring up doors closing or opening when it comes to waiting or moving on?

In my life, I have seen the door situation used differently. I've had some friends who used the excuse of the door closing to move on with their life, and then there's one certain person in my life...my mom, who if you dare close that door on her, she doesn't care how locked it is, if she has to use a hypothetical flamethrower to open that door to get what she wants, she will. Then there's me: the one who waits. It's kind of confusing how I see the door closed situation for me, so I'll try to do my best to explain.

So I've have many doors closed, and some doors opened. Right now, there's been a door that's been closed for almost two years, but I still hang around it. I don't try to force that door open, I don't just shrug my shoulders and move on to the next available door; I just wait. Now I know it's not good to just wait on a door to open; that's not how this door game works. Luckily, I come prepared. I have a backpack with me as I sit behind the closed door, just in case it opens. In my backpack, I have notebooks, books, colored pencils, pens, a laptop, you name it. As I sit behind the door, I do a lot to either entertain myself or plan for my future.

I'll binge watch TV shows or funny videos in case I look behind the door and memories filled with sadness kick in. I'll read books to gain knowledge for myself or for my future when this door opens again. I'll write down notes, plans, and goals for my life. That door may or may not open, but it's fine to have hope. There's one door I've been sitting behind for almost two years, waiting for it to be opened, so while I wait, I focus on me. I interact with new and old friends, I work on me and better myself, I write down memories, good and bad, so I can share with myself once that door opens. 

It's true that many people accept the door being closed and move on, and there are those rare people that will do absolutely anything to force that door open. For me...I just wait. The wait hurts, the waiting stings, but I'm still improving and learning more about myself as I wait. In the end, I know the wait will be worth it. I just can't lose hope.

*Photo by Bruno Martins on Unsplash