Life on a Thread

Hello readers. I'm sorry I haven't really made any content for almost two week. As I previously stated in my giveaway post (which you should enter by the way), it's been a mixture of writer's block as well as family issues. That's actually why I'm writing something. As I've always stated here, my blog is my safe space, it's my journal, and a place I want others to come to where they can feel safe as well. We all deserve to have somewhere to go to when they feel down.

I guess I'll talk about the less...depressing reason first? So the past week, I've been kind of struggling on what exactly to write. Some of my readers may be aware, but I like to post a new post every Monday and Friday. I like to start the weekday with something and end it with something. The past week I was kind of just...lacking on what to write about. I wasn't depressed, I wasn't happy, I wasn't stressed, but I was hanging out and lost on what exactly to write. When I share my stories, I want to give the best, give it my all, to my post. 

I love my blog, I love my website, and I love putting everything, my heart and soul, into the words I type. What happens, though, when you want to write something, but the words aren't coming to you? I'd rather take some time and not post anything than force myself to make a mediocre post. As bloggers, or reader, or whatever work you do, we should always put our all into our work. When I was in, technically, my third year of college, I remember doing this huge, 15 page essay for my English course for a Shakespeare play. My professor gave us a ton of time to get it together, have review sessions, and even make appointments with her regarding questions or needing some feedback.

In college, I will sadly admit that I wasn't the best student. I always did everything last minute, I would slack off days, months, in advance and not do my work until the last second. Why? Well, one, I was lazy, and two, I used to believe that I worked my best when I did things last minute. Word of advice from a college graduate: don't do that. You'll regret it, you'll feel stressed out, your anxiety will hit the roof, and you'll end up with a lackluster work. As I was saying, I held off that paper until the last minute, spending hours, late night hours, working on that paper. I had caffeine in my system and page by page, my words started becoming repetitive. I did get the assignment done and turned it in on time, only to get a C.

The point from my story is, well one, don't put things off last minute, but two, don't feel rushed to do something because you feel like you need to, because in the end, you won't be happy with your work. So by allowing myself to step away from my blog for a bit and focus on me, I was able to really clear my mind from writer's block. After the little break, I feel much better and wanting to write more! So, now that the not so bad reason is covered, I may as well bring up the...not so good reason.

So for a bit of a backstory, nine years ago, my grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a really rough time for my family, so adding that to the mix was a lot. I don't remember much of that time, but I do remember visiting my grandmother on my, I think my 19th birthday, and seeing her with barely any hair and looking so ill. The reason for that was because she was going through chemo. Luckily, through surgery and chemo, my grandmother was told she was free of the cancer. So every year, she'd go to get a mammogram and was always given the good news that she's still cancer free.

About two weeks ago, my grandma went to get a checkup because she felt a lump on her breast. My grandma called my mom after her appointment to say the doctor told her it's definitely cancer. My mom didn't want to take that answer because for years, my grandma has been getting negative results from the same doctor, yet this new doctor tells her it's cancer. So my mom scheduled her to see the usual doctor, and sadly, they confirmed it's cancer. Last Thursday, my mom and I went with my grandma to her appointment, for moral support, and we got to hear what we do from here.

So this Thursday, my grandma will be going into surgery and have her breast remove. All of this has been very stressful on my family, and I don't blame them for feeling stressed. So you got a mixture of this cancer situation and just not knowing what to write about. I was planning on posting this on Friday, but I just couldn't type the words I was feeling. I've also been dealing with some personal issues with someone, so it's just been hard to really focus on blogging. I'm trying to get back into blogging, back into what I love, because this is my safe space. This is the place I can truly be myself, speak what's from my heart, and maybe...it'll move someone else.

Thank you all so much for reading this, if you did. I'm going to continue pushing my work, continue blogging, and just try to be strong during difficult times. As my reader, I certainly hope you'll stick around too.

*Photo by Igor Ovsyannykov on Unsplash