What If

Hello readers! Before you ask, yes, I'm still blogging and I still consider myself a blogger! I would like to, eventually, go back to blogging twice a week, but for now, I just want to get better and blog when I can. It may be a few weeks late, but here's a brand new post for you!

So when it comes to my blog, I type about many different things. I talk about my mental health, positive messages, inspiring posts, and even some self-care or self-love tips. Well, my blog is also my diary. It's a place where I can talk about things going on in my life, things happening in my world, and you, the readers, can get a better idea of my life or feel like we're having something to drink while we chat. So a heads up: this is going to be on the cheesy side, but also something more on the serious side too. I don't do these a lot, but it's just something I wanted to share while also being vague about it.

So around late March, I met this guy. If you remember my blog post, "Stuck in The Unknown", I'm not talking about that guy; haven't spoken to him in ages. As I was stating, I messaged this guy. Now, half of the reason I did message him was that I found him cute, but the other half is because I really found him interesting and wanted to get to know him (I had to shoot the shot, as all the cool people say). We sent a few messages back and forth, and I was really enjoying getting to know him. Of course, after our back and forth messaging, I didn't hear from him again.

A little over a week later, I messaged him again, and he completely forgot we've spoken before (in his defense, he did tell me it was because he was busy at the time). We sent a few more messages back and forth, got to know him more, and I told him the next time we talk, he should message me first. I gave it two days until I reached out (I guess it's something about waiting for three, but I did two). He remembered he had to message me first, and he was going to, but he's really shy. Now I know you all are probably wondering, "Okay who is this guy?" I don't want to completely air out who it is (not like you all would know), so let's give him a pseudonym.

As you all know, my blog is based on my made-up world and made up characters,  so I actually asked him one day, "If you were in an RPG or MMO game, what class would you play as?" He told me he'd play as an Assasin, so he will be known as The Assasin (I know that sounds horrible, but I promise he's not a killer). As I've gotten to know him, I really started growing feelings for him. I wouldn't say love, but I really have strong feelings for him. We talk every day, go on dates, get to know each other, all that fun stuff. Just talking to him gives me butterflies and I love spending any time I can with him.

We've been dating for almost two months now, but we're not in a relationship. I guess you can say this is where it gets complicated. He has admitted to me he really likes me, I've told him I really like him, we've been dating, but we're not exclusive. Maybe I'm impatient or this is all just so brand new to me because, in the past, I've been taught that if two people, who are both single, like each other, it makes sense to be in a relationship after knowing each other for a while. He doesn't want to be in a relationship for many different reasons (he's afraid of hurting me due to something that happened in his past relationship, he doesn't know what love is, he wants to improve himself, etc).

I guess what hurts is even though we both really like each other, he mentions that there's a possibility that we may not end up together, which sucks hearing. He's not telling me to wait for him, and I'm not going to wait forever (I know that sounds horrible, but why wait for someone who doesn't see my worth?), but he's the only person I'm dating at the moment because I see the potential. We click so well, yet he won't commit. Like I said, maybe it's too soon for all of this, but it's tough.

I do enjoy what we have now, I do enjoy him dating me, but I can't lie and pretend that it doesn't suck that we're not exclusive or not even have an idea if we can be together. He told me over a month ago that when the time comes when he is ready for a relationship, he hopes I'll be there. Maybe his answer has changed, but he told me he still really likes me. I guess I just don't know what to do. What do you do when you really like someone, they like you just as much, but don't want a relationship right now? How long does one wait for a person when it comes to this situation? I know my self-worth, I know I deserve someone who wants to give their all to me and wants to be with me, but what if the person you give your all to doesn't want to be with anyone romantically?

Of course, you can comment down below your thoughts, your stories if you've been in this situation, or any words of encouragement! It's been something I've been dealing with for the past two months, so I figured I'd share with you all something that has been happening for me in my world. As always, thank you so much for reading, comment, like, share, and subscribe.

*Photo by Dominique Knobben on Unsplash